Not Dead Yet

What a fucking year. I would be lying if I did not say that 2016 thus far has kicked my lily-white ass up one side and down the other… but I promise you one thing- I am NOT DEAD YET.

It is going to take more than this to kill a soldier like me off, but there is no doubt that we all have a hell of a lot of work to do, as the world is changing before our eyes; and in the opinion of this bleeding-heart liberal, not for the better. But if there is one thing I can appreciate it is a good fight, so fuck you, Universe. Bring that shit. Let’s dance motherfucker.

It is funny how things can go from order to chaos in what seems like moments. How is it that one day it seems like everything is moving right a long according to plan and then out of nowhere a bus runs right over your hopes, dreams, and what seems like everything you have worked for? It is ugly out here these days, but luckily for this giant asshole I thrive in moments of ugly chaos. So here we go, and I can promise you… NOT DEAD YET.

I have faced several personal struggles this year, as I have worked to figure out who and what I need to be in this ever-changing landscape with the earth moving underneath my feet at a pace I can barely keep up with. A lot of pain I have brought upon myself, and we will talk about that one day soon. But for now, it is the bigger picture that has me panicked. My own struggles are insignificant in the scheme of things. My demons are small in comparison to those that seem to be swirling about these days threatening all of our very existence.

There is no doubting that the election this year was incredibly brutal. Just watching it all unfold made me sad to be a part of this society. How we have chosen to be led by an ass-clown who lies 80% of the time, who beat out yesterday’s news and an unfortunate choice for what probably should have been “the first woman President” is beyond me. Is this the best our Nation has to be considered for the most powerful position on earth? This is who we elected? Really? These were our choices? Fucked of fuckderer; and we chose fuckeder? Unfuckingbelievable.

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But alas, I must digress. The people have spoken; or whatever the fuck you call it when the majority of people say one thing, but the “Electoral College” of people says otherwise. The bottom line is that we are at a very dangerous point in our history as humans… and we have had some pretty fucked up and dangerous histories. The new Dark Ages is upon us. I do not know what to think any more, but I do know one thing. NOT DEAD YET!

As a cannabis activist, advocate, supporter, or provider, you should probably be pretty fucking worried right now. Why? Because you have a brutal prohibitionist prick nominated to lead the United States Justice Department, and the only thing saving your ass right now is a fairly weak worded memo that I assure you will be torn up and burned the day after Jeff Sessions is nominated Attorney General. Welcome to the show, bitches.

We are in the middle of trying to raise fund for the Parents 4 Pot Cannabis Community and POW Holiday Drive, and as I look to those who have helped us to bring a holiday to these families in need it is clear that things have seriously changed in the cannabis community. Over half of the major donors that made the last couple of years happen have either told me they have nothing to contribute this year, or they have contributed about 5% of what they did last year. It has been demoralizing to say the least, and to be honest… It makes me sort of sick to my stomach. Between the threat of a new aggressive enforcement administrator taking over the DEA, and a myriad of new regulatory costs and worries, it seems like a lot of the folks who have been incredibly generous in the past have decided to bury their money under the woodpile this year.

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The really funny part is that now more than ever is the time you should be contributing all you can to those affected by cannabis prohibition because if things play out the way they look like they might then you are going to need all of the good karma you can muster. It might be you and your family on the list next year… if there even is a list. Developing Parents 4 Pot as a non-profit organization dedicated to fighting for cannabis freedom for those with parents or children in prison for weed; those who have had to uproot their families to move where cannabis is for health reasons; and those who have lost their jobs, homes, children, standing in the community, and/or freedom because of cannabis has been an incredibly rewarding experience. It has also been very challenging.

I am lucky enough to have a Board of Directors willing to commit their time, energy, and often resources to making the organization work. For the love of the game we have been able to grow #P4P into something we can all be very proud of. We have been able to educate many, and support a lot of those who have been forgotten, as our “movement” based on this sacred plant has evolved into an “industry” populated by the good, the bad, and the ugly looking to hit it big on the next big thing.

I have fought for cannabis freedom the majority of my life now, and it has become my lifeblood. I have been incredibly lucky to bear witness firsthand to what has become the fastest growing industry in the world and also the most exciting political movement since the Civil Rights movement. But I have also seen the “next big thing” come and go more times than I can really stomach.

But I am still here, fuckers. NOT DEAD YET.

I have two weeks to make a Christmas miracle happen for 40 amazing families who have lost everything due to cannabis prohibition, and I will be damned if I am going to let them down. I will make the Parents 4 Pot Holiday Drive a success if I have to take hostages to get it done. I am not above anything at this point. I could give a fuck. We promised Christmas to 40 families in need, and one way or another we are going to deliver. Even if I have to put all of their gifts on my own credit card and extort everyone in this godforsaken industry that I have a pile of dirt on for every penny they have made from this beloved plant. #FUNNYNOTFUNNY

Yeah. It is like that. Sorry-Not-Sorry.

“Breathe, Mickey. It is going to be okay. I said BREATHE, motherfucker! Step back and realize that you are NOT DEAD YET. The Big Magnet in the Sky will make things right with the world and that things will work out.”

You just gotta believe, and I still do. I will not let the system get me down. I will continue to fight the good fight every day until they either lock the door behind be or cremate my phat-ass. It is what I do. It is who I am. #NOTDEADYET

So as I sit here with the reality that Donald Fucking Trump is going to be our Commander in Chief, and his posse of weed-hating fuckfaces will probably take our entire movement/industry (or whatever the fuck you want to call this deal we have going) back to Nancy Reagan’s Just Say No 1980’s bullshit, I have to wonder what tomorrow will bring. What is next? How can the humans fuck up our society any worse than we already have?

I am not sure; but what I am sure of is that if they can then they will.

Most days it seems like I live in an alternate universe and that this whole deal is a dreamish nightmare that I will awaken from at any moment. Yet every day I wake up and look myself in the mirror and say, “Fuck you. Fuck your hopes and dreams. Let’s go the fuck out here and try to change the world for the better… again.” I have to. I put one foot in front of the other, and regardless of the challenges we face, I move forward. It is all I know. It is who I have become.

That might seem like a dark reality, but have you looked around this motherfucker lately? Is it just me, or is there something very spooky happening out here as of late? Am I crazy?

I guess we all are a little crazy in one way or another; but lately it has seemed more difficult to be comfortable in my own aura. But again… NOT DEAD YET.

The holidays are upon us, and while it is supposed to be a “joyous” and “merry” time of the year, it is also incredibly stressful and draining for a lot of us. The world has always been fucked up, so it is not like this is a new phenomenon… but it is a new era of fucked up that none of us can be sure of what is to come.

Maybe I am over-reacting. Maybe Trump will be the greatest President we have ever had. Maybe cannabis will be truly legalized for everyone on earth. Maybe the rapture will happen and take all of the good people to live in heaven with the good Lord Jesus, or Muhammad, or Jah, or at least Johnny Cash… Or maybe we are entirely fucked in a way that we have even yet to imagine as a society.

Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck cares? When it is all said and done, does any of it really matter? Does our existence make a difference in the grand scheme of a Universe so massive and vast that none of us can even imagine, and a long and storied history that our lives are but a spec of? I am not sure that it does; and frankly, I don’t really give a shit.

I am going to continue to work towards making the world a better place and to be the best person I possibly can. I am going to continue to smoke, grow, and provide weed regardless of what the government says. I can be an outlaw or an entrepreneur, and be just as happy either way. I am pretty good at both. I have lived such a full and meaningful life in my first 42 years on this planet, that anything from here on is gravy. Not much they can do to me that has not been done already. I probably won’t laugh or love harder than I already have and I will likely continue to be a gigantic asshole with a tremendous heart. I will always be #FUCKMICKEY. No one can take that away from me.

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Many have tried and failed, and fuck each and everyone of them. Most of those who I have gone to battle with are miserable people not deserving of the air they breathe… there are plenty of those walking around for certain. Fuck ’em all. I got your “award” right here, pal. No you cocksuckers… Everyone does not get a fucking trophy.

How the fuck we came to this moment in history boggles one’s mind. But regardless, we are here…. we are NOT DEAD YET. Not even close, bitches.

None of us can know what tomorrow will bring, and yesterday is for suckers. All we can do is live for right now and do everything we can in this moment to ensure that what we leave behind for our children, families, friends, and fellow beings is more spectacular than what we found when we crawled out of our mother’s womb. Yup… What a long strange trip it has been, and will continue to be- at least until we die.

But you might have heard this before, but I am going to say it one more time just to make sure you caught it…. I am NOT DEAD YET.

Selah. Wooooooooooooosh!

An Open Letter to the Feds Just Days After I was Raided. Circa 2007.

This is an open letter I sent out to all media channels on October 2nd 2007, just days after the Feds kicked in our doors and decided to try me as a criminal for porviding food-based cannabis medicines to patients in need. Please read it and know that this fight is far from over…. and then get ready for the new battles to come. Selah.

MY DEAR FELLOW COMPASSIONATE MEMBERS OF THE COMMUNITY,

I write this letter in a state of deep sorrow, as I have just learned that I am a fugitive from a Drug Enforcement Administration press release while on vacation with my wife Elinor and two sons, Tyler (3) and Lucas (5 months).  I am now a wanted man for charges relating to providing medical marijuana to sick and dying patients in the State of California and it pains me that a government agency would attempt to justify their allegations by misinforming the public on so many levels.

There is a grave injustice happening in this country regarding medical cannabis and in the words of the great Dr. King, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” A decade since California voters passed the Compassionate Use Act of 1996, allowing for the use of medical cannabis by qualified patients upon the recommendation of a licensed physician, we have continued to unnecessarily waste taxpayer dollars on the arrest and prosecution of law abiding citizens due to misguided federal laws that conflict with the laws of California and 12 other states. How many people’s lives will we continue to see ripped apart for the use of cannabis as medicine before we as a society stand up and say ENOUGH?

My awareness of medical cannabis and its benefits began in the early nineties when my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I lived in New York City with him painfully watching as the early stages of his cancer began to erode his physical and spiritual being. He was in tremendous pain constantly and always very ill from the number of medications that he was using for his condition. An elder friend of mine that also had cancer told me of the tremendous relief that he found from a small amount of cannabis. I encouraged my father to try cannabis but he blatantly refused due to its legal status under federal law. This hot-button topic created a divide between my father and I that ended with me moving away, as I could not stand to see him suffer any longer. My father lived ten years in horrific pain and discomfort and lost his life to the disease in 2002.

In September of 1995 I moved to the Bay Area and began living in the Berkeley Area. At this time petitions were being circulated to get Proposition 215 on the ballot and I took a part-time job helping gather signatures. I felt as if I was doing God’s work, as I had seen firsthand the degradation of my father’s life due to the horrible sickness his cancer medication caused, and the withering away of his body, as eating became a difficult chore for him. I would have gathered the signatures for free, as I truly believe that cannabis is a beneficial medicine that has been demonized for political purposes for decades, and a medicine that could have comforted my father in his decade long battle with cancer.

I began studying more about cannabis as a medicine over the years and began to realize that there was an unjust harm being done in this country by jailing and persecuting people who use cannabis for relief. There are countless stories of medical cannabis political prisoners whom have been persecuted for providing relief to the sick and dying. I became politically involved with the progressive movement, attending rallies and protests, working with Americans for Safe Access, and being a vocal member of the community regarding the atrocities that were happening with the Drug Enforcement Administration’s violent raids on cannabis providers, and the tearing apart of families occurring as a result of arrests and convictions of cannabis patients and providers.

I learned of the struggles that these people faced in their persecution, as they were unable to present any evidence of the medical benefits of cannabis at their federal trials, and forced to be labeled as drug dealers or traffickers for simply trying to implement the will of the voters of California by providing safe access to cannabis as an alternative and organic form of relief for pain, nausea, and a multitude of other symptoms or conditions. I was outraged by the injustices being perpetrated by the federal government, which I see as a direct assault on the U.S. Constitution and its clear intent to allow each State its due dignity and independence.

To be prohibited from speaking freely about the medical benefits of cannabis in a federal courtroom is an absurd violation of free speech. Furthermore, such a rule evinces disrespect and condescension toward the intelligent citizenry, who should have the right to make decisions based on factual evidence and sound research before voting to convict over unfounded rhetoric. For a state to face forceful and violent intervention from the government over the implementation of laws within its own borders is not what our founding fathers had in mind when writing the Tenth Amendment to the Bill of Rights. The absurdity of this struggle has left me a changed man.  Once a naive child who believed in the Government and the freedoms of America, I have come to realize that laws can be bought and funded by big business and that the war on cannabis was simply a result of many other factions and powerful lobbying committees that have demonized this medicine for their own wealth and gain.

I myself use cannabis for medicinal reasons. I spent much of my youth forced to take Ritalin for behavioral issues and when I was old enough I found cannabis to be a much more manageable way of dealing with anxiety and hyperactivity that resulted from what doctors refer to as a “chemical imbalance.”

In 2002 I suffered a serious fall and shattered my left calcaneous bone, which is more commonly referred to as the heel. It was surgically repaired with seven screws and a steel plate that are to remain in my body for the rest of my life. This, combined with degenerative cartilage in my right knee, I was unable to walk without discomfort and consistent pain. I became addicted to Vicodin and painkillers during my recovery and always felt very toxic when using opiate derived pain medication. I found that cannabis relieved the pain and allowed me to function more freely and I began to live a fuller life without the burden of being subjected to the adverse side effects of prescription medication.

Realizing the vast improvements in my own life that cannabis has provided, I have continued to be a vocal member of the community and a proponent of medical cannabis. I have poured my heart and soul into fighting for the rights of medical cannabis users everywhere. Maybe that is the reason that I am being targeted now. Not because I have done anything wrong, but because I have given my lifeblood to advocating the use of medical cannabis and have spoken out strongly against the tyranny of our government surrounding this issue. It never ceases to amaze me. How can we live in a society that chooses to jail its own people over using a natural form of medication that is harmless in many forms and provides relief for so many?

I sit here in mourning with my family as we watch lies and sensationalist rhetoric about us streaming across every media outlet in the Country, just horrified by the possibilities that surround our future. I know I must turn myself in and confront these horrific allegations and I sincerely ask for the support of the community in these matters.

I believe truly in my heart that I have committed no crime. With all of the domestic and global issues our country faces, it is sad that our taxpayer dollars and law enforcement resources are being expended in an entrenched battle over a plant.

It is time for the American people to let Washington, D.C. know that we are sick of the nonsense and charades that are being played with the lives of our citizens.  We must learn to show compassion and good sense and begin to understand that we are creating more problems than we are fixing by jailing and prosecuting non-violent users of medical cannabis. I will continue to hold my head high, as I know I have done nothing wrong. I look to great leaders of the past for wisdom in dealing with the injustices of society and once again think about the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King in his letter from Birmingham Jail. He states, “A just law is a man-made code that squares with the moral law or the law of God. An unjust law is a code that is out of harmony with the moral law.” I believe that the federal laws against medical cannabis are way out of harmony with the moral law of a person’s right to seek relief from suffering, and that history will show that we, as a society, have made a horrible mistake by unjustly prosecuting and incarcerating many innocent people to support our failed “War on Drugs.”

If our society is to evolve, we must begin to shed our past mistakes and begin to use common sense when enforcing laws that shatter lives and leave children without parents. I am deeply saddened that the Drug Enforcement Administration continues to needlessly and violently pursue law-abiding citizens with archaic interpretations of the law. I even find some forgiveness knowing that the men who invaded my home in the name of an immoral law must have families of their own. I only hope that they stop to consider how deeply they have already hurt my family in order to feed theirs.

I sleep well knowing that I do the right thing everyday to the best of my ability, and although I am far from perfect I am a good man with good intentions. I will turn myself in voluntarily and begin to settle this matter in a system, which although flawed, is the one we have. I am obviously frightened, but also confident that the truth will be brought to light and we, as a society, will learn a valuable lesson somewhere in all of this madness. We must put a stop to this travesty and, as a community, speak up and defend a patient’s right to use safer alternatives of medication as they and their doctors see fit. We must no longer allow the federal government to viciously intimidate its citizens by misinforming and blatantly lying to the public about the benefits of cannabis as a safe and effective medicine.

I encourage community leaders, government officials, patriotic citizens, and anyone who has the common sense to realize the failed policies of this war on medical cannabis, to rise up and be heard. Let your elected officials know that we demand a stop to these senseless acts of violence and the needless wasting of resources in states where citizens support the use of medical cannabis. The choice to use medical cannabis is a decision that should be made by a patient and a doctor. Bureaucrats should never be allowed to turn decisions about a person’s health into a political issue that can be influenced by big business lobbying groups in Washington D.C. It is a fundamental right of the sick and dying to find relief for their pain and suffering through sound research and advice from their personal physician. The issue here is not a matter of whether a law has been broken.  The issue is whether those laws are just and moral.

I hope and pray that a solution will emerge and that we, as a nation, can begin to undo the harm that these laws have already caused. Many families have been destroyed over this senseless conflict between state and federal laws and many good and honest citizens are incarcerated at this very moment for choosing to help ease the suffering of medical cannabis patients. I am aware of the charges that have been brought against me and fear that I will also end up a political prisoner in my own country.

I am extremely proud of the work that has been done in California and across the nation to begin combating the lies and misinformation that has been a part of this culture for too long. Reasonable citizens everywhere are seeing through the falsehoods about medical cannabis –advanced by a deceitful policy that chooses to ignore sound scientific research and the needs of patients everywhere. Please do not allow my family and I to be the next victims of this blatant policy of disrespect for personal freedom and human rights.

We will continue to fight for patients’ rights to use cannabis and I ask that citizens everywhere join me in this battle for personal freedom.  Contact your law makers, educate your friends and neighbors, question law enforcement practices, and become an active part of taking this country back from errant political influence and failed policy.

According to polls, at least 80% of the American public stand behind me on this issue. It is critical that we take the next step in standing up for our personal freedoms before they are all gone.

I thank everyone who has given support to my family and I in these trying times, and look forward to the day when patients abiding by state law no longer have to fear violent persecution and spiteful slander by the federal government for using an all- natural, alternative medicine that is approved by their doctor. One can only hope that this day will come before anyone else is forced to suffer the needless pain I feel today.

Sincerely, Michael Martin October 2, 2007